My ‘White Cat’ is the flip side of ‘My Black Dog’.  It seems only fair to explore what drives being with depression and not just how I move through it. 

Anxiety and depression isn’t something I usually share when it’s happening but rather I use my experiences to speak of it once it’s passed.  With the recent suicide of a musical creative soul Avici, and this week designer Kate Spade…

I felt I had no skills to survive, it seemed that being separated at birth also separated something within me, my sense of Self and my ability to trust in Me and Life.  

The thought of having and holding a baby and envisaging what it must have been like to give a baby away was confronting and painful.  I knew it would take me back to the experience of my own birth and the confused feelings of abandonment and loss that had plagued me most of my life.

What are avoiding or putting off doing that if you took the plunge could change the direction of your life?  “Being brave is doing something in the presence of fear, not the absence of fear” – Robbi Mack

Love.   We search for it, we long for it, we give it, we’re denied it, we throw it away, we trade for it.   Love is an energy exchange and you get to decide how you put love into that exchange, whether it’s to grow your business, your career or put into your family, your life. 

Christmas means so much to so many people and each meaning is different.  For some it is creating the magic and wonder of Christmas for little children and feeling enthused by their joy, for some it is finding that perfect gift for that special person in their lives, for others it is cooking up a magnificent feast for visiting family and friends...

Endofyearitis” describes what some people experience as the frantic push to the end of year as it approaches more quickly than we expect and as we endeavour to get on top of work before we take time off during the holiday season...

I was sitting on the floor surrounded by a sea of ‘cry cards’ – what are ‘cry cards’ you ask? They are a collection of cards that evoke emotion deep within.  They are the gifts of love from family and friends from over the years that I have kept in boxes. 

I never used to like ‘end of year’; for some reason in my past it used to cause me a sense of anguish that I was ‘losing’ something because something was ‘finishing’ – I was never great with change or new, my senses and feelings would reel and I’d often emotionally get lost.

What do you wish for yourself?  This is what I wish for myself…  Joy and a love for my life every single day.  To remember the purpose in pain and become the greatest version of myself.  To express, entertain and lighten the load of living through laughter.

The collapse and closure of our 10 year comedy theatre business that coincided with the birth of our beautiful son was followed by the darkest journey of my life into the black abyss that was post natal depression.  I emerged three years later feeling like I’d been through the opening train wreck scene of Harrison Ford’s movie ‘The Fugitive’ and I began to think, what now?  Life had changed irreversibly and so had I.

So often we hear the words ‘have a great day’, does that mean that out there lurking is the possibility that it won’t be a great day?  like it’s questionable, luck of the draw if today you’ll get given from the gods a ‘great day’… no!

I find surrendering one of the hardest things to do; it presses all my anxiety buttons, and pushes me further into fear, fear of losing control (not that I really had it in the first place but it’s an illusion I seem to keep deluding myself with!)  

Find the magic moment every day.  One of the things I used to do when I worked as a Clown Doctor in Sydney’s Children’s Hospitals was to find the ‘magic moment’ of the day. 

Opening number.  Me, Ray, the Geoff Harvey Orchestra…and a few million people.  I was young, nervous and a relatively inexperienced singer, but as I was working for Channel Nine at the time I was given the amazing opportunity to sing live on the Midday Show with Ray Martin.  

“False humility is a crime.  Not to be proud of your own achievements is a crime.  Not to celebrate your gifts is a crime.  To pretend not to know, to remain needy, to become dependent on the strength, belief and esteem of others is a crime!”  - Robbi Mack

Over the many years of sitting with counsellors and therapists to help me through the challenges life bought me that usually resulted in another bout of depression or anxiety, I recall some ‘pearls of wisdom’ that were shared with me as I desperately searched for an inner peace and a reprieve from the constant churn of anxiety within my head and body.

My teenage son came home exhausted from school recently, 4 ‘brain subjects’ for the day and not an ounce of creativity to break it up for him, but that’s school schedules for you, some days are more enjoyable that others.

As a new friend and I exchanged our life stories she said ‘Robbi you’re one of the most courageous and resilient women I know’ – I couldn’t help but laugh. I said “really? why would you think that?” and continued laughing as the idea to me seemed quite absurd at the time. 

Someone once asked me ‘what would you do if you weren’t afraid?’ It’s an interesting question really, I immediately thought of ‘I’d jump out of an airplane (with a parachute of course) I’m talking skydiving, I’d go scuba diving, I’d climb a mountain… 

I’ve often been asked how I did what I did as a Clown Doctor for all those years.  It was pretty clear when I began working that I was going to need tools to manage some of the trauma I saw and the anguish I felt for others. I needed rituals to help bring me back into balance.

Bringing our hearts into leadership allows us to tap into empathy to express compassion first then follow with communication that a team member is more likely to not just hear but receive and take on.

When we don’t deal with our baggage, it can lead to reactions from our point of pain.   Sometimes the baggage we’ve been hauling around can dictate our reactions to people. 

Who doesn’t love a beautiful shiny sparkling diamond!  I often think we’re all diamonds, even if we’re ‘rough diamonds’.  A diamond doesn’t start off perfect; there is a process it goes through that transforms it from a lump of rock to a diamond.  The same could be said about us really. 

“Heartbeatz – where our hearts engage with our minds to elevate performance” – thanks for continuing to join me on this new adventure of discovering how we can bring more heart into our workplace and into our lives in general.
 

Stepping out of our comfort zone deliberately can be a great way to challenge ourselves.  When we choose to step out of the comfort zone, there is a certain amount of ‘being prepared for the discomfort’.

I love the energy of New Year and the enthusiastic anticipation of creating my life and I love the energy that everyone seems to have for the New Year

I know Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and wishes for peace on earth (for me that’s a standard wish all year not just at Christmas!) so this isn’t a ‘bah-humbug’ moment, rather this is me being transparent.