I find surrendering one of the hardest things to do; it presses all my anxiety buttons, and pushes me further into fear, fear of losing control (not that I really had it in the first place but it’s an illusion I seem to keep deluding myself with!) Surrender is difficult when you feel there is something to lose and you want to avoid the pain of loss and grief, at least that’s the way I have seen surrender, until now.
What does surrender mean? For me it means ‘to let go of, to stop resisting, to no longer hold onto an expectation, to give over control, to allow…’
Surrender allows the possibility of creating peace within, of letting go of the angst of the inner whirl of getting things right or living up to other people’s expectations (including your own), it’s about making peace with the past (and anything from yesterday is the past!)
Holding on emotionally is what stops us from moving forward so these days I am endeavouring to surrender on a daily basis. In fact I’ve started to begin my day with a quick writing session of listing “I surrender…” Right now it’s, “I surrender my fear of aging, disease and dying, for myself and those I love’ (vulnerability hangover coming up) For whatever reason, and the reason doesn’t matter, I am in a place of worrying about how I may die! Perhaps it’s the experience that doctors start testing and checking for possible ‘how you’re going to die’ type illnesses when you get to your middle years! – I’ve been avoiding them for 18mths now! So, I have begun to simply say each morning “I surrender my fear of dying” – that’s a great start, however what is more important, and what this then leads onto, is “I embrace…” put them together as in “I surrender my fear of dying and I embrace living my life today” – whatever you feel afraid of and need to surrender, embrace the opposite. The energy of naming it changes the chemistry in my body and allows me to focus on the forward energy of ‘embracing’ meaning to accept, to receive, to gather inward; to surround myself with.
Petrea King, wrote in her book “when you are no longer afraid to die, you will no longer be afraid to live”. I desire to live, to live bigger than I’ve lived, to be bigger, brighter, bolder and more gracious than I’ve ever been. I desire to challenge myself to risk and expand myself beyond my fears that I might live a full and meaningful life.
Anyone also afraid of something that is undermining their level of living? Then join me in a morning ritual of “I surrender…I embrace…” - Who’s with me?
